best fight scene ever (from “Psych”)
Shawn: Man, you can’t just say I’m in for a surprise and then eat a ginger snap.
Shawn’s super-ego: I can do anything I want.
Oh MAN talk about a media wet dream–cast members from “Twin Peaks” reunite for a parody/tribute episode of “Psych”.
Shawn: We’re not here to judge you, Mr. Barker. We came here to investigate, catch bad guys, and eat pie.
Gus: Not necessarily in that order.
Shawn: And it hasn’t been.
Shawn: We started with the pie.
Between the 4 of us we’ve got, what, over 300 years of crime fighting under our belts.
Shawn tries to get into a karate class.
Karate instructor: This class is for 5- to 8-year-olds.
Shawn: Yes. Yes it is. And uh.. that’s what I call uh…
Gus: Yes. And ageism.
Instructor: Who are you?
Gus: I’m his lawyer.
Shawn: That’s right.
Instructor: You brought a lawyer?
Shawn: I keep a lawyer on retainer at all times. There’s so much injustice in the world that you practically can’t leave home without one, and apparently today it paid off.
Instructor: Right. Okay well I will see you in court, then, now–
Gus: Perfect. Now I’ll need a statement from you, and as we plan to try this in both civil and criminal court, I’ll need the police here as well. Can I use your phone? Or do you only let the white people use that?
Instructor: Who said anything about white people?
Gus: You just did.
Instructor: The words “white” “people” did not come out of my mouth.
Gus: There they are again. Luckily I had my hand recorder on for that one. By the way, I am now disclosing that this conversation is being recorded.
Instructor: Recorded? Okay, this is crazy–
Gus: Crazy? You wanna know crazy? I sued 300 businesses last year alone. I sued a hot-dog cart and got everything but the wheels and the buns, which I won in the civil case two months later.
Shawn (coughs, whispers): Dude. I think he gets it now.
Gus (to Shawn): I know. But the words are coming out of my mouth faster than I can think of them.
Shawn: Bring it home.
Gus (to instructor): Now. If you don’t mind, before I start snapping evidence photos, I’m a little parched. So can you tell me which one of these fountains I’m allowed to use?
(One fountain is a child’s, about 3 feet off the ground; the other is adult-height.)
Instructor: That one.
Instructor: I mean, you pick. Sir.
Gus: He would always send us emails about getting the group back together, which would involve reconciling with these two jokers, and that was not going to happen.
Tony: Mm-mm, not happening.
June: Not even if Jesus was our manager.
Tony: Whoa. You’re not serious about that June.
June: Nah, I ain’t serious, I was just playing.
Gus: Great, then it’s settled. There’ll be no reunion unless Jesus agrees to manage the group.
Shaun: She fits Warren’s type: she’s headstrong, hot in a female DA or detective on “Law & Order” sort of way.
Gus: Like Milena Govich.
Shaun: Like an Angie Harmon.
Gus: Like Mariska Hargitay.
(I am very much in love with the latter two examples.)
Forbid me? I’m familiar with your hands-on approach to parenting, but I’m not 27 anymore, I can do whatever I want.