I don’t think that the decision not to get married is a radical one. It makes sense that anarchists would participate in as few contracts with the State as possible. For women, we know that the idea of marriage began as a contract between a man and the state that he owned his wife. This tradition continues today when a man gives a woman a ring when proposing engagement (he buys her commitment) and when the father “gives away” his daughter at the marriage ceremony, and (less common) when the potential groom asks permission of the woman’s father to ask her for her hand in marriage. The western tradition of a white wedding dress shows that the bride is a virgin but there is no equal tradition for man.

When I tell people that I’m never going to get married, no one believes me, and when I tell them I don’t want kids they believe me even less (being a woman my biological clock will surely kick in one of these days).

People brush away my political decision not to marry and I’m seen as either not serious enough about my relationship to get married, or I’ll change my mind about marriage after I change your mind about having kids. It blows my mind that most people still take a state sanctioned marriage more seriously than long-term relationships, romantic or otherwise. Even if the people getting married have only known each other for a short time, the marriage certificate immediately legitimizes the relationship.

I’m surprised when others are uncomfortable or confused about me not wanting to get married. More couples are living common-law than are married, and the divorce rate is over 50%. Yet we desperately hold onto marriage as the only way to go and for sure the only worthwhile way to end up.

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