INT. CAFE – DAY
SAM and STELLA sit at a cafe table.
SAM
People say you know a movie’s made it when lines of dialog from it are referenced constantly, eventually without awareness of their origin. But if you remove the reference from its context, doesn’t it cease to be a reference? Unless there is someone who recognizes the source to interpret it AS a reference, it is lost. I think it would be much more an indication of a film’s success if the TITLE of the movie is what’s being said in every-day conversation. Of course some titles are inherently easier to adopt into conversation fluidly. That’s the benefit of actual lines of dialog–they are inherently more conversational. For example, “Hey, that’s a nice bike” can fit in any number of situations, but “Terminator 2”? I guess if you made it “terminator, too” as in “terminator, also” you’d have a better chance.
A BARISTA walks by. STELLA watches him, losing focus on SAM, who stops talking and watches STELLA watch the BARISTA.
SAM
What is it? What are you looking at?
STELLA
Nothing.
SAM
You were checking out that barista.
STELLA
No I wasn’t; that’s ridiculous.
SAM
It’s not that ridiculous.
STELLA
Yes it is.
SAM
But you were.
STELLA
Were not.
SAM
What are you, twelve?
STELLA
Yes, I’m twelve.
SAM
You WERE checking him out.
STELLA
Fine so I was! Is that a crime!
SAM
No it’s just funny.
STELLA
Well I’m glad I amuse you.
SAM
Ask him out.
STELLA
Don’t be ridiculous.
SAM
I’m not being ridiculous.
STELLA
Why would I ask him out?
SAM
Because you like him.
STELLA
Don’t be petty. Just because I checked him out doesn’t mean I like him.
SAM
Sure it does. I know you, you never check out anyone casually.
STELLA
I’m pacing myself.
SAM
Pacing yourself? So this isn’t the first check-out?
STELLA (hesitates)
No.
SAM
Ha! I knew it! So you do like him!
STELLA
I’m not compelled to jump all over it immediately so I thought I’d take this opportunity to pace myself.
SAM
Pace yourself? That’s ridiculous.
STELLA
It is NOT ridiculous. It’s just–I go through people too quickly. It’s like… how I eat ice cream. I’ve got this big bowl, I love it so much, I can’t get enough, I want to be eating it constantly, so I eat it too fast. And then it’s gone. And sometimes I eat so much so quickly it makes me sick. I can’t sleep. I swear off ice cream for a good long while. If I were to just take my time. Pace myself. Savor it, bite by bite. Take my time. I’d get a lot more out of it. So instead of indigestion, I could really enjoy it, and be satisfied, and not stuffed. I could be eating that ice cream still.
SAM
And who is this ice cream to which you refer?
STELLA
No one in particular. I’m just saying.
SAM
Well I think you’re onto something.
STELLA
Of course you do.
SAM (ignoring her)
I’d even take it one step further.
STELLA
Of course you would.
SAM (ignoring her)
Traditional ideas of love and sex follow an established formula that remains largely unquestioned by even so-called radical ideologies. The general structure is that you find yourself attracted to someone, so you find out if they’re attracted to you, then you flirt, you court, (you consummate)–
STELLA
Who uses the word “court” anymore?
SAM
–You consummate, you live happily, maybe not ever after, but for long enough. It is about having them, their intimacy, as represented by their mind and their sexuality, as represented by their body. The end, and indeed the means, is always about the attainment of the other person.
STELLA
This coming from someone who never even buys ice cream.
SAM
That’s exactly my point. I have no use for ice cream in its material form. The thought of ice cream–the sweetness, the creaminess–is more than enough for me.
STELLA
You don’t think you’re just fooling yourself because you’re afraid of ice cream?
SAM
Why would I be afraid of ice cream?
STELLA
You might like it. You might get hooked on it. Or you might discover you’re lactose intolerant. Or worse yet, you might really really like it and be lactose intolerant.
SAM
Regardless, if I bought ice cream I’d cease to fantasize about it. It’d just be there. It wouldn’t be a novelty anymore–an ideal, a beautiful, beautiful dream. It’d just be…
STELLA
Ice cream.
SAM
Exactly.
STELLA
But I like ice cream. I really like ice cream.
SAM
But it gives you indigestion.
STELLA
Yes. But that just means maybe I like it too much and I need to pace myself.
SAM
I agree that that’s a wonderful step for you. I am merely suggesting that you think of it as a first step.
STELLA
Would you like me to give up ice cream?
SAM
Not necessarily. This is not about having or not having ice cream. It’s more complex than that. It’s about re-thinking the perceived primacy of attainment over…
STELLA
Over WHAT?
SAM
Over other forms of experience.
STELLA
Like what?
SAM
Thought and fantasy, mainly.
STELLA frowns.
SAM
A life rich in fantasy, creativity, and imagination is not even remotely appealing to you?
STELLA
Do you even remotely believe anything you’re saying?
SAM
I asked you first.
STELLA
I would prefer a life of balance.
SAM
Fair enough. And no, I don’t necessarily BELIEVE any of this, per se…
STELLA
God, why do you do this to me!? You made me want to go on a crimewave.
SAM
Was that a title-drop of an obscure Sam Raimi movie?
STELLA
Yes.
SAM
Nice one. Anyway, I’m not doing anything to you. I just like to keep questioning stuff.
STELLA
Even when you don’t believe it?
SAM
Especially when I don’t believe it! If we don’t question our assumptions, we’re no better than the most ignorant reactionary.
STELLA goes to argue.
SAM
And don’t even say that as a “liberal” you’re inherently more right than said ignorant reactionaries. That’s just another assumption, forget the binaries it reinforces.
STELLA
You started with the whole binary thing.
SAM
Ok, I could have used a better example, but I was just trying to make a point.
STELLA
What about, if we don’t question our assumptions, we’re no better than the lowest insect?
SAM (frowns)
That’s still dichotomous, and assumes we can comprehend the so-called ignorance of insects. Which I don’t think we can.
STELLA (thinks)
No better than the KKK?
SAM (raises eyebrows)
Interesting binary, the racist versus the non-racist.
STELLA
That’s assuming all racism comes in certain recognizable forms.
SAM
You’re right. Damnit.
STELLA
The only binary I intended was KKK versus non-KKK.
SAM
I guess that’s a pretty safe binary.
STELLA
Did you just refer to a binary as “safe”?
SAM
No.
SAM
We’ve gotten way off track. The point is, you’re right, in taking it easy on this particular ice cream.
STELLA
That is so much because I don’t even know if I like this flavor of ice cream.
SAM
How will you ever know if you don’t try it?
STELLA (drops her head or rubs her temples)
You are so damn confusing.
SAM
You could just try a little, then put it back.
STELLA
Put it back?! And what, let it just sit there and go to waste?
SAM
I’m sure someone else will want some.
STELLA
My head is spinning. Enough with the ice cream.
SAM
Ok. I was beginning to think we were overstretching the metaphor, just a bit.
STELLA
Now I want ice cream.
SAM
But it’s time for breakfast.
STELLA
Breakfast On Pluto.
SAM
Awesome movie. (offers her a muffin bit) Want a piece of this?
STELLA
I’m allergic to wheat.
SAM
Oh yeah.
STELLA
Are you trying to kill me?
SAM
Yes, I’m trying to kill you.
STELLA
Figures.
SAM
Who’s allergic to wheat anyway?
STELLA
I am.
SAM
That’s so ridiculous.
STELLA
I’m sorry my dietary restrictions offend you.
SAM
God I’m bored.
STELLA
I’m sorry my dietary restrictions bore you.
SAM
Enough with the dietary limitations, all right?
STELLA
Restrictions.
SAM
Whatever. Shut up.
STELLA mouths “rude”.
SAM
What was that?
STELLA
I didn’t say anything.
SAM
Say Anything.
STELLA
Good movie.
SAM
Yeah. Sometimes, though, I don’t know.
STELLA
What do you mean you don’t know?
SAM
The other day someone tried to tell me it was one of the best movies ever made.
STELLA
It could be.
SAM
I don’t know. I mean I love it but it’s a bit loosely plotted don’t you think?
STELLA
I never really thought about it. Are you passing judgment on less than satisfactorily tight plots?
SAM
I guess so. I like good plots, you know, fast-paced, Hollywood.
STELLA
That doesn’t work for every story though.
SAM
It works for every story *I* like. What, you think movies should be like this, two losers in a coffeeshop with nothing better to do than extol the virtues of different plot, uh, weights?
STELLA
Weights? That’s what you’d call them?
SAM
I don’t know, what would you call them?
STELLA
I don’t know, sizes? And to answer your question, no I don’t think movies should be BORING but isn’t there something to be said for showing a little slice of life once in a while?
SAM
You and your damn slice of life. Okay, say this were a movie. Not only have we contributed nothing to society or arguably to each other the entire time, but nothing has HAPPENED. If this were a movie, nobody would be watching. They’d’ve left the theater or changed the channel or skipped this bit of their Hulu queue a long time ago.
STELLA
You know, for someone so progressive and fringey about Western philosophy you’re sickeningly mainstream when it comes to movies. We’ve covered some deep shit in this conversation. That whole thing about ice cream and fantasy, that was kind of profound, wasn’t it? Wouldn’t that be worth sharing?
SAM
Yeah maybe, but it wouldn’t be suitable for a movie. Movies are about entertainment!, fun! Not boring self-absorbed pseudo-intellectual hipsters.
STELLA
Why can’t theory be fun? Why can’t the quest to better oneself be of entertainment value to others? I know I laughed all the way through “Buffalo ’66”.
SAM
Yeah but you can’t just have a movie take place in just one location with two characters that don’t DO anything.
STELLA
Can’t you?